Updated: Apr 1
"I will write regularly for the blog this coming Monday."
"I've already made a post live this month; the new blog post can wait until the next month."
These are the things I tell myself every time I think of writing.
And then, yesterday, it was Monday and the 1st of a new month, still I couldn't get myself to sit and create one sentence.
Did I try?
Because I am feeling overwhelmed and confused.
Do I have anything in particular that I want to write about today?
No, I don't. Today, I just want to put my fingers on the keyboard, let my imagination run wild, and see where it takes me.
I do that a lot while travelling (except "running wild", maybe a little). But the greatest pleasure of being a writer is you can travel whenever, wherever, however, you want without buying a ticket.
So, coming back to this blog.
This blog is a space I created to express myself freely without any filters or inhibitions. I have a few loyal readers who support and encourage me by reading my blogs. It means so much to me.
But if I am being honest with myself, I don't think I've been doing that. I have been very selective about the ideas I put down here. But more than that, I've been unenergetic and unfocused.
Let me think out loud, what are the reasons behind feeling overwhelmed, confused, unenergetic and unfocused?
1) I feel that my attention span is getting stolen by social media. The mindless swiping and entangling in the "you may also like." catch makes me feel like a fish that gets caught in the net along with other fishes. Even when I continue to swim to break free from the trap, there is nowhere to go. Whether you are a shark or a Nemo, you are trapped.
2) All the content around "HAPPINESS" makes me feel like a failure. If there is one word that is getting ruined, the way Russia is destroying Ukraine is HAPPINESS. So much is being said about finding a purpose and giving meaning to your life so you can ultimately find happiness. The wide range of self-help books and motivational messages on LinkedIn tells you exactly how you should act and behave to become "successful". All of a sudden, every person is a motivational speaker.
Happiness is an intangible concept to me, and seeing everyone putting on a filter and expressing their "happiness" makes me feel sick. (Feel free to go ahead and judge me.)
3) FOMO is real! Eventually, it's all mental, but FOMO is making me run away from my priorities, things and people that bring me joy. So every few minutes, irrespective of what I am doing, I seek solace in my phone. It's like an escape, where I am Alice, and it is my Wonderland. I am not being present, not being aware.
4) Technology, social media, and artificial intelligence were invented to bring the world closer. But unfortunately, we are more disconnected from ourselves than we ever were. I may be easily reachable to my friend who lives miles away, but am I available to the people who love me the most or vice versa? In the race to seek validation from total strangers, I am completely ignoring the people who need my attention and time.
I try to focus on my physical well-being regularly. In addition, I meditate for improving my mental health. I travel and do things that bring me joy, and still, yet I feel lost, angry and exhausted.
Perhaps I am too hard on myself. But all the multi-tasking and ranking on the Happiness Index makes me feel disconnected from myself and my loved ones.
The internet's power makes you realise that you are NOT the only one. Thanks to you Facebook and Instagram's algorithm, you know that so many people feel the same way about certain things or situations the way you do. So I know that I am NOT the only one who feels this way.
Do I want to know if you feel this way?
What am I going to do about it anyway?!
I can just hope and pray that you "keep swimming" until you break free from the net.